E is for Everyone

Right now I would usually jump into the middle of the story, about the title. However, after reading the previous letters, I think it is time to get a brief understanding of whom I am writing about. So here is a short summary from my perspective of everyone in the group.

Before I began:
Disclaimer: I fully apologize for any comment that is about to be made to any individual who is portrayed or in acquaintance with a character below. These are based on a humorous perspective and nothing more. Please do not read into more than what is written. If you disagree with anything I say, please make a comment in a nice fashion keeping in mind this is purely for entertainment and memory. But if you still feel it as necessary to complain to me and call me names let me save you the trouble. I am an empty-headed, too opinionated, toe jam eater, a duck killer, as well as a sad little wimp who is a big bully at the same time. If your complaint does not include any of those insults please keep them to yourself. If your complaint does include one of those insults I already know what you are going to call me, so it is pointless.

Generations: Each name has a generation behind it, this represents when they became a part of the group. First generation was in middle school, second was early to middle high school, third was late high school, and fourth was after several of us went to college.

Well now we got that out of the way lets begin. (This list may be updated in case I forget someone). In no particular order:

Guys:
Justin (The Loud Story-Teller): First Generation. Justin defiantly had the most potential of all of us in the group. He has a lot of talent in many different things including music, as well as a very likeable person. He has the type of laugh that makes everyone else laugh, even if they have no clue what they’re laughing for. He is called the loud storyteller because he does just that. He starts talking, which most times is a start of a story and as the conversation moves on he gets louder and louder. The most common phrase Justin hears is, “Justin, quite down bit.” He was the runt of the group when it was just the four of us in middle school (Justin, Ryan, Sam, and Me), and man did we make sure he knew that. There was several times when we would hold something above our heads and he then would jump up and try to get the item but often failed. (There is a great story that goes along with that but that I will save for another time). He is currently almost engaged and living in Colorado.
Dated at One Time: Lindsay
Ryan (The Hot One): First Generation. For some reason, every girl around homecoming or prom time wanted to be Ryan’s date. All the rest of us was just stuck watching this circus every year. There was a year when Ryan actually didn’t go with anyone, but kept count of how many girls actually asked to go with him, it was in the 20’s by the time homecoming came. Ryan was the only guy in the group who you can actually consider being a prep in high school. He was an All-American student with the good looks, nice personality, and a well-groomed fashion sense… Oh how we hated him for that... He is currently married and living in Colorado.
Dated at One Time: Rachel
Sam (Mr. Numb): First Generation. Mr. Numb is defiantly one of my favorite people to talk about. I will explain later on why we call him Mr. Numb. But almost all of the funny stories I can remember involve him some how. He was the pioneer of the group, he was the architect that brought everyone together in the beginning. He doesn’t have the most magnetic personality, or a dashing wit, but he has a heart of gold. You always knew that no matter what you did, Sam would be your friend. Sam reminds me of Kramer on Seinfield, most people think Kramer is one step behind everyone else, but in reality he is one step a head of everyone. Sam is currently engaged living back in Marshalltown.
Dated at One Time: Penny.
Nate (The Extreme): Second Generation. Nate wasn’t given his nickname by accident he earned every letter. Nate would be the one who invited someone else to dare him just to give him the excuse! The dares usually came when Nate had a bad day and that is when Nate’s split personality came to life and things got interesting. We all did some really brainless stuff because someone dared Nate to do something, and none of us wanted to be out done. Nate wasn’t called the extreme just because of all the wild stuff he did, but because he took life to the extreme. Everything Nate did he did it to the max, whether it is writing an email or building a fire pit, everything was taken to the farthest it could. There was no holding back for Nate, which wasn’t all a bad thing. We were defiantly the bravest of us all. There was a time when Nate actually liked being known as the craziest guy in the group, but no one can be that extreme forever. After high school, the extreme retired, and is now peacefully living in the middle of Iowa. Although I hear he still prowls at night from time to time.
Dated at One Time: Penny, Sarah
Grant (The Old Man or Grantathan): Second Generation. Ah, yes the old man, Grant isn’t really that much older than anyone else, I am the second oldest and he isn’t that far ahead of me. We call him the old man not because of his age but for two strange reasons. One, his appearance - he started shaving his beard by fifth grade, and he has more hair on his body than he does on the top of his head. Two, his actions, most nights while everyone is out running around the neighborhood, Grant is fast asleep. He usually is the first person asleep almost every night, as well as the only person in the group who we will not mess with when he is sleeping! Grant is a great guy who can fix anything; he owned his own house while he was still in high school! He is currently living in Iowa.
Dated at One Time: Julie, Cookie
Ivan (Ivan the Crazy): Second Generation. Another name for Ivan was Mr. Bumpy, but that is another long story. Ivan the Crazy wasn’t as vocal about his craziness as Nate was but if someone was ever going to make a run at Nate for the most daring person in the group, Ivan was it. He would do crazy stuff all by himself, not for the glory but for pure enjoyment. He had no limits at what he would do, let a lone what he would eat. He once ate, yes I said ate, a mini sausage that was left on the shower room floor of the boy’s locker room, plus this sausage had already been peed on. Ivan defiantly had the crown of the grossest person in the group, and I can bet no one will ever try steal that crown. He once came to my mom’s wedding with a full out Mohawk; everyone loved it, even my mom. I have a great picture with my mom in her wedding dress dancing with Ivan with his Mohawk. Ivan ran off and got married to Marsha (can you believe that!), which was a complete surprise to everyone in the group because we all were still amazed they started dating. It was a good match, but it was one of those relationships that make you scratch your head wondering how that happened.
Dated at One Time: Penny, (now Married to) Marsha
TJ (The Punk Rocker): Third Generation. His real name was Tim, but I started calling him TJ because we had so many Tims we hung out with at the time. The name TJ actually came from his middle name being Jonathon, however it was rumored it came from “Tiny Jennifer” since he was Jennifer’s little brother, boy did he hate that. TJ was defiantly the punk in the group. He wasn’t mean or anything but he dressed the part. He was the one with wallet chains, black hair, and tight Good-Will pants. TJ had the sarcastic quick wit that made the group accept him very easily. He too is currently living in Colorado (what is with Colorado these days…)
Dated at One Time: Corisa, Marsha
Tyler (Simply…Bro): Third Generation. Tyler was my little brother and probably the smartest student in the group. Although another name for him was Mr. Numb 2, following after Sam. He was the one who would skip a big party to do homework, and everyone gave him the hardest time for that. Tyler had a heart of gold just like Sam, and therefore wasn’t much for making threats. The famous line that people remember Tyler most from is, “If anyone comes after me, I am going straight after Ivan.” Since Ivan was the one person that bugged Tyler the most. Although for some strange reason that saying didn’t stop us from attacking Tyler?! He is currently a political science major at UNI, including being the dorm president, as well as last years “Freshman of the Year”.
Dated at One Time: Penny, Carrie
Oscar (Crazy, Silly Monkey): Third Generation. Oscar was from El Salvador, had a thick Spanish accent, and he called everyone a silly monkey. He was wild and loud, making him an instant favorite in our group. After talking with him a couple of minutes you found yourself wanting a Spanish accent like his. The best thing about Oscar was when he got mad, he had a hard time saying what he wanted to say in English so most of his words became mixed Spanish sayings as well as loud grunts. It was a site to see, which might explain why we all tried to get him mad so many times. He is currently living in Marshalltown.
Jeremy (The Spaz): Third Generation. The Spaz was the type of person you didn’t really want to be friends with because you knew you would get in trouble eventually, but you also knew that you would have so much fun getting into that trouble. He was third in line for the extreme crown, but he was more extreme in his nakedness than anything else. I have never heard of or seen a man who wanted to be naked as much of the time as he wanted. I’m glad the group stopped him most of the time. If one word sums up the Spaz it was ‘naked.’ Also I have no idea where he is right now.
Dated at One Time: Corisa
Thomas (The Hairball): Fourth Generation. This guy had more hair on his face than most people have on their entire body. He was the nicest guy you will ever meet, proper to all adults, and fun to be around. But with his facial hair he looked like a lion most times. He had the type of sense of humor when he said something it made you think, “Man, I am going to use that.” He became great friends with Tyler and is also currently at UNI.
Dated at One Time: Penny, Sam’s Sister

Honorable Mention To: Ron (The Red Head Psycho), Brent N. (That is Sick! Just Sick), Tim N. (The Serious One), Joe (The Rebel Hippie), Christian (In Search of…), Terrance (The Rebel), Matt D. (Mr. Matt to You), Pat (Anyone Remember Me?), Adam S. (The PK), Dave (The Friendly Giant), Jason Mc. (The Superhero Wannabe), Cody (Flower Power), Nick J. (The Neighbor), and Adam D. (Our Mortal Enemy).

The Girls:
Jennifer (The Long Story): First Generation. Jennifer was there from the beginning, although no longer attached to the group, she is still part of its history. If you were a parent you would want her to be your kid. She was a cheerleader, with excellent grades, and very musically inclined. Everyone in the group was surprised she hung out with us as much as she did. As time went on she grew apart from the group. However in the beginning she brought the much-needed feminine relief into the group. She brought the opportunity for the four original guys not to be just the four guys forever; we weren’t complete losers in middle school you know… She is currently attending college in Illinois.
Dated at One Time: Me.
Rachel (The Nice One): Second Generation. Rachel brought a whole new way of life when she came into the group. Before most times it was just ‘the guys’ hanging out. When Nikki, Lindsey, and her came into the group everything changed, which wasn’t all bad. Rachel came from a difficult family, but still managed to be one of the nicest people in the group. She had an innocent voice and look to her, but most of us was surprised by the intense streak she had in her. The phrase, “I’m the nicest person in the world, until I kill you,” was used quite often describing her. She also had this sock fetish that under no circumstances were you allowed to see her bare feet. So if a person took off one of her socks she would automatically lunge after the person with her hands in the chocking position. It was very entertaining pulling off her sock and throwing it to an unsuspected guy and then see Rachel dive on top of him trying to get her sock back. She is currently engaged and still living in Iowa.
Dated at One Time: Ryan
Lindsey (The Princess): Second Generation. Lindsey was defiantly the princess in the group, we joked with her that she would never find a man until she learned to actually cook for herself and do her own laundry. Everyone who knew Lindsey knew she had this rule, that no matter which guy made her mad or did something to her she was going to hit the closest male. This was also a great game to play with her as we would tease her and then made sure we were not the closest male when it came time for her to attack. She was a very small person and couldn’t do much damage, but we all ran from her still (I’m still not sure why). Lindsey was a very likeable girl and we enjoyed her company at every event she came to. She is currently cooking and doing the laundry with her new husband in Iowa, to everyone’s surprise.
Dated at One Time: Justin
Nikki (No Comment): Second Generation. Nikki was interesting from the very beginning. She was surrounded by controversy, mainly because she was one tough cookie. Few people messed with Nikki, she’ll kill ya. The best time hanging out with Nikki was when we played tackle-basketball. It was a game where we would run around trying to play basketball but tackling was allowed. It was a very rough but fun game. Nikki is currently going to school at Iowa State.
Penny (The Hurricane): Third Generation. It’s sad to say but Penny dated more guys in the group than other girl; she wasn’t a run-around or anything, she just clicked with most everyone easily. For being a guy she had a knack for making you feel appreciated, and she was a great conversationalist. We called her the hurricane because where ever she went problems seemed to turn up, no matter whom she was with at the time. This was because of her personality as well as her history with other people in the group. She is currently living in Texas.
Dated at One Time: Tyler, Thomas, Nate, Sam, Ron, and Ivan
Sarah (Mrs. Extreme): Third Generation. When I first knew Sarah she was Justin’s little sister and therefore qualified only as annoying. But several generations later she became a great addition to the group. With her funny, tough wit and never backing down to anything the group throws at her she was a perfect fit for us guys. She is currently going to school to become a chef in Colorado.
Dated at One Time: Nate
Marsha (Insert Nickname Here): Fourth Generation. You can think of all kinds of nicknames for Marsha, and not all of them have to do with the Brady bunch. She is a very intense woman, who believed and did everything to the fullest. I think that is why her and Ivan make such a great couple. They do everything to the limit without looking back. She is currently attending UNI as well as being married to Ivan the Crazy.
Dated at One Time: TJ, (now married to) Ivan.
Sam’s Sister (Holly): Fourth Generation. Her birth name is Holly but only the girls call her that. She is known by everyone else as ‘Sam’s Sister’; mainly for teasing value though... We have called her that ever since she started hanging out with the group. I don’t think we would have continued to call her Sam’s Sister if she didn’t get upset at us when we did. She has a great heart, which shows with her love of animals and people.
Dated at One Time: Thomas.
Emily (The Sweetie): Fourth Generation. Emily was the definition of a sweetie. She had the nicest personality, which went well with her smile. She was always complementary to everyone. She was best friends with Penny. She came into the group by hooking up with Grant for her senior prom and then those two dated for several years after that. She is currently going to school at UNI.
Dated at One Time: Grant

Honorable Mention To: Autumn (Sam’s Cousin), Megan (Mayonnaise), Cookie (No Nickname Required), Carrie S. (The Marine), Ashley (The Prep), Corisa (The Cheerleader), Carrie B. (The Tall One), Ann (She Can Drive Me Anywhere), Angela (The Shadow), Julie (Oh, Boy Here She Comes), Shannon (The Blonde), Micah (Hide and Seek), Rosie (The Vein)

D is for Drive-Throughs and Doughnuts

Yeah, our group has done our share of unusual drive-through activity. However there was a limit to our drive through occurrences, mainly because there were only so many drive-throughs in town. Marshalltown doesn’t have a lot to do, but we sure do have a lot of restaurants. You name it we got it; in a town size of 32,000 we have enough restaurants to feed a small country. One late night hang out was Hardies, which was the only fast food joint that had an all night drive-through.

One night we had nine guys (Justin, me, Nate, Sam, Ryan, Christian, TJ, Tyler, and Ivan) hanging out at my house really late. As usual we were board and hungry, (which was never a good combination). So we decided to do something about it, we thought up a great idea that will satisfy both our hunger and boredom so we decided to go to Hardies. We all hopped in two cars, 4 guys in Ryan’s car and 5 in mine. As we pulled up to the drive-through we all took off all our clothes (rolled down our pants to our feet but still left them on) and the group was wearing nothing but our boxers with some tighty-whites mixed in the group. I am not quite sure what it is about being almost naked that makes anything you do that much more exciting but it does. (It is a completely heterosexual thing and was done out of a humorous intent for entertainment and nothing more). I had to say that for reputation sake for the people I mention in these blogs.

Now once we got into the Hardies parking lot Ryan suddenly realizing what he was about to do froze. He did not want to go through with it, or at least he did not want to be the one who orders the food while wearing what he was, or should I say wasn’t wearing. So here we are I sitting behind the wheel in my car, and Ryan sitting behind his not moving forward when it was his turn. Nate screams out Ryan’s passenger side window that Ryan wants someone else to drive. So I tell Sam to take over and drive my car through the window while I drive Ryan’s car. I get out of my car, and begin to walk over to Ryan’s car with my shirt off, and my pants down to my ankles (this took a bit longer than I thought it would). I hopped in Ryan’s car while Ryan’s jumps in the back seat with Christian and Justin. We drive up to the speaker and I begin to order, and like an everyday order it processes through with no distractions, “That will be $5.75, please drive up to the first window,” a woman’s voice rings through the speaker. I then do what I am told and drive slowly up to the first window. The cashier takes my money not noticing the lack of wardrobe in the car. She then leaves the window to get our food. As for me I did not want this adventure to go unnoticed so when the cashier returned and handed me our food I asked, “Can we have some extra napkins it is awful cold out here?” The cashier reaches over to grab some napkins and then realizes what I said looks back at me and suddenly realizes the situation. A look on her face made us laugh for weeks after that. It was of shock, laughter, and confusion all at once. Our group knows this look very well as we have seen it on many passing cars as we show them our backside.

Then laughter burst out of this cashier’s mouth, what seems like an accident to her because she was just as shocked that her laughter came out of her mouth as she was shock about five young men in their boxers were in front of her. She didn’t know what quite to do, does she hand us our food, and I mean we already paid, or does she run back and tell someone, “Hey, you gotta see this.” But she sobers up quickly and puts the extra napkins in our bag and hands us our food. As I drive off I see her head out the window staring at us as we drive off.

Sam, driving the second car, sees all of this and waits a little while the cashier’s head goes back inside, and then he makes his move. He drives up to the window, the cashier not looking at the car says the dollar amount owed, and she then turns her head towards Sam catching yet another car with four men stripped down to a pair of tighty-whites and three boxers. She then proceeds to put her hands on her hips and shakes her head in disapproval with a smile on her face. Something strange happened after that. Instead of giving Sam his food, the cashier called over another worker to check out the car, they both laughed and asked what was this all about. Sam just smiled and said, “We got hungry.” The cashier gave Sam his food and again stuck her head out the window as Sam drives away.

This wasn’t a ‘big surprise’ kind of story, but this was yet another example of what our group did in our spare time. As for doughnuts, that was a ritual that we did every winter. I am sure everyone has at least been in a car that has done a doughnut in the snow whether intentional or not. I do believe Nate was the master of the doughnut in Marshalltown. He had the equipment (an old yellow car that was the size of a boat with balding tires) and the go-nads to do the perfect doughnut.

The perfect doughnut happens when the vehicle does at least a complete 360, just swinging you back end does not count. You need a complete turn, and there were times where Nate’s car would do two or three turns. I still feel a little dizzy every time I think of those rides. No carnival ride can make me dizzy like a good doughnut.

Running second to Nate was Jeremy with his big red rust-bucket of a truck (see blog C is for Cops, Chicken, and Craziness). He didn’t have the technique that Nate had but he had more balls. He would be the type of person to do doughnuts in a parking that was only built for three cars! There were a lot of close calls, to close if you ask me, but no accidents. There were plenty of times he would have four or five guys in the back or his truck (with the topper on) doing doughnuts in the high school’s parking lot.

One time it got out of hand though, like many things that do, the evening started out like normal, being board in my basement. We then all hopped in Jeremy’s truck and headed to Wal-mart to find something to do, which was one of the only things that were open all night in Marshalltown. Nothing eventful happened at wal-mart so we decided to leave. We all hopped in Jeremy’s truck again and we toke off to do some doughnuts at the high school. On the way there Sam realizes he has to pee, and pee real bad. He asks Jeremy to pull over, but Jeremy refuses. We get to the high school and start doing doughnuts, and now Sam is to the point where he can’t hold it any longer. And in the middle of Jeremy doing doughnuts he whips ‘it’ out and starts peeing on the spare tire that sits in the middle of his truck. I am not quite sure where Sam gets his logic from but I don’t think he thought ahead of what might happen if he does pee on that tire.

All of us (Grant, Tyler, Justin and I) try not to fall into the trail of pee on the floor that is now flowing in whatever direction Jeremy spins. This was more difficult that I thought it would be as Jeremy isn’t the best driver to begin with. Sam laughs as he finishes trying to not get any on him, but not really succeeding very well. He then crawls over to the front of the truck, opens the window to the cabin where Jeremy’s sits, and yells, “Well that’s ok you don’t have to pull over now.” Jeremy not realizing what he meant continues to do doughnuts while all of us in the back scream for him to stop while dodging the trail of pee.

I am not quite sure if his hand slips or he lost his footing but in the middle of one of Jeremy’s crazy spins grant falls hands first into the pee soaked tire. He ends up just getting his knees and hands wet but I don’t think he care if it was just those two parts from how mad he got. He then tries to stand up and run over to the front of the truck where Sam is holding on for dear life and begins pounding him. There is nothing Sam can do but take it, for if he moves he will surely end up with pee soaked hands and knees like Grant. So he takes it like a man, with Grant pounding him with one hand while wiping off the other hand on Sam’s shirt. This little show continues as finally Jeremy seeing a cop come down the street comes to a complete stop and yells, “Everyone get down it’s the cops.”

Now by the time this whole thing played out Jeremy’s floor of his truck was covered with pee. And now Jeremy is telling us to lie down it in! I think not. But we get down as low as we can as Jeremy drives past the cop. We get back to my house and I force everyone to leave their shoes outside. It wasn’t until the next morning did Jeremy realized the present Sam left in his truck.

My Memories,
Kalgon

C is for Cops, Chicken, and Craziness

What is it about seeing those flashing red and blue lights that bring utter fear and excitement at the same time? For a kid growing up and being involved in the experience I went through, you didn’t fear to cops, you merely fear getting caught. But that was exactly what made the things you did exciting, the chance of seeing those spot lights on you as you run away. There have been many stories involving the great police force of Marshalltown, but a few stick out in my mind.

Actually to tell you the truth, the Marshalltown police were really well known in our group. We have been stopped by the police, (never ticketed or arrested), enough to know some officers by name, and they know some of ours. There was a point when in high school where the group knew exactly what time a police car would patrol past my house (1:30am) and when a police officer would get off work and head home, which would past Nate’s house every night (2:48pm). We knew this because of the many brainless stuff we did at the time these cops passed by. One thing we always seem to be in the middle of when a cop drives by is fireworks, without fail a firework would be lit just as a cop appears from around the corner.

Fireworks were a big thing in Iowa, even though it is illegal to have them let alone shoot them off in Iowa our group did it every summer. We would even drive down to Missouri, and load up on fireworks and then have enough fireworks to last until we when did it again. We would like fireworks on the street in front of people’s houses to wake them up at night (most times succeeding by the way). Or we would light fireworks and throw them out the window of our cars. It was quite amusing to light a firework in a car then throw it the window all without getting burned. I believe there is a skill to it that we perfected after years of mistakes.

Speaking of mistakes, one of the bigger mistakes came when Justin lit a bottle rocket in the back of TJ’s car, and trying to throw it out the window end up hitting the child proof part of the window where only half of it rolls down, so the bottle rocket bounced off the window and lands on the floor behind the driver’s seat. Justin begins to scream and starts smashing Ivan and I in the back seat against the other window. While TJ screams, “what the crap!” over and over again, and Nate sitting in the front seat busts out laughing. I can still here Justin’s scream/laugh while he moves as far away from the bottle rocket as he can. Justin’s laugh was like being scared of what will happen, but knowing full well whatever does happen it will be freakin’ hilarious. Well the bottle rocket spurred about and then went off, making a loud BANG and filling the car with smoke. Forcing TJ to pull over and let the smoke out while chasing Justin around the car. To this day TJ has a burn mark in his car where the bottle rocket blew up. Luckily no cops got involved with that story.

However cops did get involved in practically every time we played chicken. Now before you jump to conclusions this isn’t your normal game of chicken, it’s Iowa’s chicken. (And no this isn’t where two people hop on tractors and drive 3 miles an hour towards each other either). I am talking about a game where two or more people line up on the side of the road wearing nothing but what the good Lord gave them, that’s right completely naked (shoes and socks were ok though). And while you are standing there in flapping in the breeze you wait, the goal is to be the last person who runs away. So when you see those head lights of a car your heart starts pumping, and the hair on the back of your neck starts to stick up. And you know that the time is coming for you to run, but you force your body to stand still holding the Boy Scout solute as the car passes by. Most people run as soon as they see the car form in their eyes, but a few people stay, not mentioning names (to protect the reputation of several individuals), usually there is one clear winner, and sometimes there is a tie; it just depends on who is playing that night.

The cops get involved when a look out (someone who doesn’t play but goes down the road a ways to make sure no cops drive by) yells down to us that the next car is a cop. That is when the game is officially over and people start running. You just pick up your clothes and go; there is no time to get dressed!

There was one time (which I hear stories, I wasn’t actually there) where a game of chicken got out of hand. It all started when five people were playing a game of chicken in front of my house (I was at college at the time). As the car starts to get closer all but two people take of running. Both of these individuals stood their ground, taunting each other to run. The car drives by at a slow enough speed to get a good luck, all of sudden when the person in the car realizes what he just saw he slams on the breaks. With the sound of screeching tires both of the winners took off along with the losers who also were wearing nothing but socks and shoes at the time. The car then begins to start backing up, while the five guys take off running, clothes in hand. Now you have to realize this was at nighttime in the dead of winter so snow was everywhere on the ground. I live across the street from a park so these guys start running to the middle of the park. Well the park is kind of an island as four streets surround it so a car can simply drive around in circles waiting for the people to come out. Well these five guys are not new to this type of waiting, so the first chance they get they run through the park and through people’s yards and end up in someone’s backyard hiding behind a tool shed while the car drives up and down the road looking for them. So here they are freezing to death, naked out in the cold while some crazed driver looks to beat the snot out of them. And they hear it, GRRRR! They don’t know where it came from all they know is they can’t stay where they are, or that dog might get a mouth full of something those guys just don’t want to give.

I guess they found out how hard running full speed while putting on clothes really is; it’s actually near impossible. But some how these five guys run across the park again while putting on their clothes and end up back into my basement. Now the guy in the car never found out who those crazy kids were who showed him all their glory, but I don’t think he drove down that street at night for quite some time after that. But that night I guess the cops were called that night because there was several cop cars that would patrol the park for hours after the game of chicken. And ever since that night more and more cop cars patrolled around the park at night than ever before.

Another instance involving the cops was when Sam and I were much younger, going back to those good ol’ middle school days. Now Sam lived in a house that was very unique, he had a huge back yard that was attached to an old small car-parts junkyard.

Anyways Sam’s house was also on a hill. He was at the corner of the street right next to the railroad tracks. And just on the other side of the railroad tracks was the hill, not too steep, but steep enough to notice it was a pretty good hill. The road in front of Sam’s house went over the railroad tracks and down the hill. A favorite past time of the group was to take old wagon wheels or small tires and roll them down the street. We wouldn’t deliberately roll them in front of traffic; it just wound up happening some of the time. A car would honk and swerve off the road or to the other lane of traffic, and we think ‘here we go again’ as we all take off running. Now just to be clear no injuries or accidents happened while we did this, looking back I guess we were pretty lucky. However there were several people who got out of their cars and yelled at us, but never really chased us because they knew they couldn’t catch us with that hill between them and us. They knew by the time they even got in their car and drove up the hill we would be gone. So I guess they thought they would teach us a lesson by shaking their fists and yelling obscenities at us.

I know some of the things we did while growing up were dangerous, stupid, and irresponsible but that was life in Iowa. These are the type of memories that make you embarrassed for remembering but at the same time find it extremely hilarious to talk about. So in conclusion, I would like to officially apologize to all police officers, people who saw our backsides, and to the readers of this blog for the many things our group did over the years. I know some of the things we did weren’t right, but at the time we thought the only other option was to get drunk or high so we thought we thought we’d pick the lesser of two evils. In Iowa you had to create your own fun order to have any.

My Memories,
Kalgon

B is for Bladding and Basketball

You might be asking yourself what is bladding? The origin of bladding is disputed great but, all I know it came from Ryan’s older brother when he was Arkansas going to school. It is the act of doing something completely disgusting, stupid, and dangerous at the same time. All the ingredients you need to have a fun time in Marshalltown. It is an activity that if you knew what it was before hand you would never do it. But once you have done it, you find yourself bragging to others that you have! There are three rules to bladding:

One… You have to take at least one person who has never gone bladding before.
Two… Once everyone agrees to bladd there is no backing out, far worse things will happen if you do.
Three.. You cannot tell anyone or talk about what bladding is.

There are several bladding stories that we have but due to the three rules I can not share them with you. But if you have never done it before and wondering if you should go. DO IT! It is an absolute blast! I have countless stories that would make anyone cry with laughter because of the fun we had in Marshalltown bladding.

As for Basketball…

What is it about basketball that makes everyone want to join in or watch in the backyard? Countless nights when everyone spends the night at my house, which was in town right across the street to a park and school, we got board around midnight and then someone suggested basketball and we all go storming out to my backyard. We set up lights including lamps or anything we could find to have some lights on the court.

We wouldn’t really play a team game, although that happened every once in while. But mostly we played 21. It is a game where there are no teams just you against everyone else being the first person to score exactly 21 points. Two points for each basket you made, and then one point for each free through you made. There are no three pointers. If you tip someone in (meaning catching the rebound and shooting without hitting the ground) they go down to zero, and you get two points. It was a really fun game, with a lot of laughter and messing around. The people who couldn’t play basketball much tend to shoot from the outside and never drove towards the basket. There were times when you think someone was going to win and then they get tipped in and they go back to zero.

At times there would be 12 guys standing under the hoop while the 13th guy shoots his free-throw. Some nights we would play for 3 hours straight, and at the end of the game, we knew we would get a good night sleep that night.

One of the things that we tend to do was try to mess up the person shooting the free throw. This was done with many different methods. From yelling when the ball was soon to be released to jumping up and down trying to break the concentration of the shooter.

Sam was the master of this method. He was and average athlete in high school but he knew how to distract you from shooting that basketball. There would be several times where you look to the basket, bounce the ball a couple of times, get ready to aim and you look down and there it is. Sam’s white butt staring right in front of you. By then you realize you are still shooting the ball and try to adjust at the last minute but it is too late, the shoot goes way foul and someone most likely rebounds the ball and tips you in. This was Sam’s genesis at work. He would put that perfect move on you at the perfect time. There would be times where instead of mooning you he would lift up his shirt and scream, “CHESTICLES!” Sam was a really white person and when that shirt went up it was like another lamp was turned on the court.

(Side note)
Chesticles was something I came up with when I was a freshman in high school. Instead of calling guy’s chest, man boobs. I would call them chesticles, coming from a combination male genitalia and the word chest. This was something only males can have since there is no other name for a male’s chest.

The distraction came in many forms on the court mooning, lifting up your shirt, and screaming some funny word as in “buttocks”. Basketball was never about winning in Iowa, it was more about, like everything else we did, doing something fun.

A good rule of thumb is to remember you don’t always have to be drunk in Iowa to have fun, no matter how impossible that sounds. My friends and I did all this crazy stuff without a single drop of alcohol or a puff of drugs.

I guess we thought since did all those stupid and crazy stuff sober, just thing how dangerous it would be if we were drunk….

My memories,
Kalgon58

A is for Accidents

"Countless accidents happen all the time, but the accidents that you remember most are the ones that almost happen."

I’m not talking about those little ‘I stubbed my toe’ accidents. I am talking about bone breaking, skin peeling, and can’t sit down for a week kind of accidents. Our Marshalltown group had an accident happen ever so often that it still lingered on the tips of our tongues until the next accident came along. One of the biggest ones was when Nate “fell out of a tree” well at least that is what we told his mother.

It happened on just like any other night we were goofing around messing with cars and being completely idiotic as usual. Now before I go further I there is some things I must mention. First is that Nate’s mom didn’t care much for girls staying and hanging around too late over at her house. Even though there were 12 guys and 6 girls there is bound to be babies present sooner or later she thought… So the rule was girls out by midnight every time people stayed over.

So getting back to the story, Jeremy (who was one of the strangest people we hung out with) had to take Angela (someone who never really hung out with us, she just happened to be there that night) home. So he hoped in his pickup truck (remember we are in Iowa) with a topper on the back. Jeremy seemed to always get into trouble with that old rusty red truck with a $200 CD player built in. So he and Angela jumped inside and started up the truck. Sam (who we call Mr. Numb for entirely complementary reasons) and I hoped on the back and Nate hoped on the passenger’s side as the truck took off. Knowing Jeremy’s driving record and his unique peeling out style he likes to do as he drives away. Sam and I hopped off the back of the truck as Jeremy peels off only getting a face full of gravel in return; however Nate (the risk-taker) stayed on the side of the truck. I am not quite sure what was going on in his head at the time, either it was udder fear on what might happen if he does let go or the fact that Jeremy will soon realize he is still attached and slow down to where Nate can get off.

Jeremy either doesn’t notice Nate or like to push the risk-taker to his limits and doesn’t slow down. By the time this is all happening Jeremy gets to the end of the gravel driveway turns right and starts speeding up onto the highway towards Angela’s home. As the truck hits 20 miles per hour, and noticing Angela is not motioning to Jeremy that someone is still attached to the truck, Nate realizes he is fighting a loosing battle of chicken suddenly lets go flying face first onto the side of the road, making his body skid on top of the loose gravel. In slow motion I watch from the end of the driveway (thinking Nate would surely have let go before Jeremy goes on the highway) as Nate’s skin and bones body goes sailing off the truck, does a couple of skids on the gravel and then comes to a screeching halt face down in the dirt. Sam and I rush over to Nate turn him over and see udder fear, short, and ‘I can’t believe that just happened’ type of look on his face. He then snaps out of the shock by amerce pain coming from two spots of his body. Although his skinny frame is badly scrapped, only one area really looks bad. (Skip next paragraph for those of you with a week stomach).

There on Nate’s side I could see it. It looks just like any other part of the body at first, off white in color and organic look to it, but then I soon realize I am looking at something that I am not suppose to look at, his hip bone. The gravel has scrapped clean the layers of skin, fat, and other human material to show to everyone the framework of the body. There it was, a human bone, I have never seen a human bone still inside of a live body. It is quite different once you think about it. Have you ever see a bone that wasn’t through an x-ray, covered with skin, or on TV? Nate didn’t realize at first, and though it was just loose skin. But after he tried to brush the skin off and realize it was more than skin, he started to get a little light headed.

We picked Nate up brought him in the house and popped some pills in him to calm his nerves. A lot of things happen that night (see my blog Cops and Craziness). But the next morning Nate started complaining about his left wrist. He could barely move it and it hurt like nothing he ever felt before. Well through all this pain Nate knew there would be even more pain if his parents ever found out what had happened. And like so many other accidents we have, you put a band aid on it, and forget about it. Well for Nate it was going to need something a little bigger than a band-aid.

A week or so went bye and finally Nate had enough, and he told his dad (who was a doctor in the town) and found out through test that he had broken his wrist. His parents asked him how this all happened. And thinking back on all the times his parents yelled at him for doing crazy things, the words, “I feel out of a tree” came out like someone else spoke them and he happily agree with the voice. So a cast was put on and life went on as it usually does. Only about a year later, with the cast off did Nate’s parents finally learn of what actually happened that summer night in 1999.

Accidents are a part of life whether it is from car or throwing a piece of hard candy across the street and it winds up hitting some guy’s windshield and he comes chasing after you with a gun (another long story). Speaking of car accidents here is a list of car accidents in a summarized version. This is from 20 different people, over the course of 4 years being able to drive legally.

One.... The blat-mobile (see B is for bladding and basketball), which was Nate’s first car. It was an old poop colored station wagon, which once carried a thrown out toilet in for humorous purposes. It was in the ditch countless times, and had several internal problems with it that always kept Nate on the top of his toes when driving somewhere. It couldn’t drive very far, or for long periods of time, but hey it had a cool nickname and why get ride of a car that could carry a toilet and 6 other guys at the same time.

Two.... The white horse, my first car, it was a 1977 white Oldsmobile cutlass. This thing was a beast; it has a V8 engine and could go from 0 to 60 in 20 minutes. Since I was really one of the first people to get a car, it didn’t matter how bad it looked or sound I had a car and therefore I was cool. I became an instant hit/taxi driver. I hit my chain-linked fence in my back yard a couple of times just trying too squeezes into my parking spot with the other cars in the driveway.

Three.... The Mud-Mobile Grant’s (the old bald man) first car that was also poop colored. He was the oldest of the group and looked it. He had a full beard by age eight and I don’t think his voice ever changed, I think his first words was a pretty good Barry White impression. But by the time High school came around, he shaved his head and sported a goatee. There was two accidents involving his car one was when he got it stuck in my back yard one spring time and while trying to remove his car from the mud, everything became poop colored. The car, grant, and everyone who was helping were covered with mud from head to toe bye the time we got his car unstuck. The second accident was involved Sam and I and Justin (the loud one) we were in the back seat and grant was driving. Justin and I happen (by accident) to start tickling Sam, who was sitting in the middle. Well knowing what happens to Sam when someone tickles him he freaks out screaming at the top of his lungs and kicking and swinging his arms everywhere; doing anything he can to make the tickling stop. Well in all this commotion Sam kicks the storage unit that sits in the middle of the two front seats. Most times it is an armrest that opens up to hold maps and such. Well in the mud-mobile it was all-plastic and with Sam kicking it like he did, it shattered to a million pieces. Grant hearing this, looks back and sees the broken pieces of his cherished car right in front of Sam gets red with anger (which happens more often you might think). While driving with one hand he starts swinging into the back seat with his other. At this time he doesn’t care who he hits, or who broke it, all he cars about is beating the closet person to the scene, which just so happens to be good ol’ Sam. Justin and I are pressed against the windows while Sam is screaming out in pain knowing full well that no matter what he does, there will be pain. Oh sure he fights grant off the best he could, but Grant’s car wasn’t very big, and Sam knew he was toast. After about a mile or so of this Grant stops the car and as soon as that car is in park all doors open and bodies go flying out with red faced Grant chasing each one of us until his retribution was fulfilled.

Sure there were many more accidents and stories I could write about, but this blog just isn’t big enough. Thank you for all of those who participating in making these memories for me, we might not always keep in touch, but you will never be forgotten.

Thanks,
Kalgon

The ABC's of Marshalltown

This is a collection of stories about a small town in Iowa called Marshalltown. They are about a group of friends and the experiences they've shared growing up in this town. Each letter represents a memory, thought, or story from my perspective. This blog was written as a digital memory for personal use, but feel free to comment on any aspect of letters.

I will be updating with a new letter as soon as I can.

Most of these stories are humorous in nature and have no intention of harm or ridicule the characters in them. I apologize for those of you who read this and are offended, it is not my intention, and it is merely my thoughts good or bad written down. Also for those of you who were there to share my experiences I thank you for every memory I recieved

and I will always cherish them.

My life is different now, engaged, out of college and considered officially a "grown-up". But my teenage memories and desires still remain. This is a collection of those memories neatly packaged into a creative form for my personal amusement...