D is for Drive-Throughs and Doughnuts

Yeah, our group has done our share of unusual drive-through activity. However there was a limit to our drive through occurrences, mainly because there were only so many drive-throughs in town. Marshalltown doesn’t have a lot to do, but we sure do have a lot of restaurants. You name it we got it; in a town size of 32,000 we have enough restaurants to feed a small country. One late night hang out was Hardies, which was the only fast food joint that had an all night drive-through.

One night we had nine guys (Justin, me, Nate, Sam, Ryan, Christian, TJ, Tyler, and Ivan) hanging out at my house really late. As usual we were board and hungry, (which was never a good combination). So we decided to do something about it, we thought up a great idea that will satisfy both our hunger and boredom so we decided to go to Hardies. We all hopped in two cars, 4 guys in Ryan’s car and 5 in mine. As we pulled up to the drive-through we all took off all our clothes (rolled down our pants to our feet but still left them on) and the group was wearing nothing but our boxers with some tighty-whites mixed in the group. I am not quite sure what it is about being almost naked that makes anything you do that much more exciting but it does. (It is a completely heterosexual thing and was done out of a humorous intent for entertainment and nothing more). I had to say that for reputation sake for the people I mention in these blogs.

Now once we got into the Hardies parking lot Ryan suddenly realizing what he was about to do froze. He did not want to go through with it, or at least he did not want to be the one who orders the food while wearing what he was, or should I say wasn’t wearing. So here we are I sitting behind the wheel in my car, and Ryan sitting behind his not moving forward when it was his turn. Nate screams out Ryan’s passenger side window that Ryan wants someone else to drive. So I tell Sam to take over and drive my car through the window while I drive Ryan’s car. I get out of my car, and begin to walk over to Ryan’s car with my shirt off, and my pants down to my ankles (this took a bit longer than I thought it would). I hopped in Ryan’s car while Ryan’s jumps in the back seat with Christian and Justin. We drive up to the speaker and I begin to order, and like an everyday order it processes through with no distractions, “That will be $5.75, please drive up to the first window,” a woman’s voice rings through the speaker. I then do what I am told and drive slowly up to the first window. The cashier takes my money not noticing the lack of wardrobe in the car. She then leaves the window to get our food. As for me I did not want this adventure to go unnoticed so when the cashier returned and handed me our food I asked, “Can we have some extra napkins it is awful cold out here?” The cashier reaches over to grab some napkins and then realizes what I said looks back at me and suddenly realizes the situation. A look on her face made us laugh for weeks after that. It was of shock, laughter, and confusion all at once. Our group knows this look very well as we have seen it on many passing cars as we show them our backside.

Then laughter burst out of this cashier’s mouth, what seems like an accident to her because she was just as shocked that her laughter came out of her mouth as she was shock about five young men in their boxers were in front of her. She didn’t know what quite to do, does she hand us our food, and I mean we already paid, or does she run back and tell someone, “Hey, you gotta see this.” But she sobers up quickly and puts the extra napkins in our bag and hands us our food. As I drive off I see her head out the window staring at us as we drive off.

Sam, driving the second car, sees all of this and waits a little while the cashier’s head goes back inside, and then he makes his move. He drives up to the window, the cashier not looking at the car says the dollar amount owed, and she then turns her head towards Sam catching yet another car with four men stripped down to a pair of tighty-whites and three boxers. She then proceeds to put her hands on her hips and shakes her head in disapproval with a smile on her face. Something strange happened after that. Instead of giving Sam his food, the cashier called over another worker to check out the car, they both laughed and asked what was this all about. Sam just smiled and said, “We got hungry.” The cashier gave Sam his food and again stuck her head out the window as Sam drives away.

This wasn’t a ‘big surprise’ kind of story, but this was yet another example of what our group did in our spare time. As for doughnuts, that was a ritual that we did every winter. I am sure everyone has at least been in a car that has done a doughnut in the snow whether intentional or not. I do believe Nate was the master of the doughnut in Marshalltown. He had the equipment (an old yellow car that was the size of a boat with balding tires) and the go-nads to do the perfect doughnut.

The perfect doughnut happens when the vehicle does at least a complete 360, just swinging you back end does not count. You need a complete turn, and there were times where Nate’s car would do two or three turns. I still feel a little dizzy every time I think of those rides. No carnival ride can make me dizzy like a good doughnut.

Running second to Nate was Jeremy with his big red rust-bucket of a truck (see blog C is for Cops, Chicken, and Craziness). He didn’t have the technique that Nate had but he had more balls. He would be the type of person to do doughnuts in a parking that was only built for three cars! There were a lot of close calls, to close if you ask me, but no accidents. There were plenty of times he would have four or five guys in the back or his truck (with the topper on) doing doughnuts in the high school’s parking lot.

One time it got out of hand though, like many things that do, the evening started out like normal, being board in my basement. We then all hopped in Jeremy’s truck and headed to Wal-mart to find something to do, which was one of the only things that were open all night in Marshalltown. Nothing eventful happened at wal-mart so we decided to leave. We all hopped in Jeremy’s truck again and we toke off to do some doughnuts at the high school. On the way there Sam realizes he has to pee, and pee real bad. He asks Jeremy to pull over, but Jeremy refuses. We get to the high school and start doing doughnuts, and now Sam is to the point where he can’t hold it any longer. And in the middle of Jeremy doing doughnuts he whips ‘it’ out and starts peeing on the spare tire that sits in the middle of his truck. I am not quite sure where Sam gets his logic from but I don’t think he thought ahead of what might happen if he does pee on that tire.

All of us (Grant, Tyler, Justin and I) try not to fall into the trail of pee on the floor that is now flowing in whatever direction Jeremy spins. This was more difficult that I thought it would be as Jeremy isn’t the best driver to begin with. Sam laughs as he finishes trying to not get any on him, but not really succeeding very well. He then crawls over to the front of the truck, opens the window to the cabin where Jeremy’s sits, and yells, “Well that’s ok you don’t have to pull over now.” Jeremy not realizing what he meant continues to do doughnuts while all of us in the back scream for him to stop while dodging the trail of pee.

I am not quite sure if his hand slips or he lost his footing but in the middle of one of Jeremy’s crazy spins grant falls hands first into the pee soaked tire. He ends up just getting his knees and hands wet but I don’t think he care if it was just those two parts from how mad he got. He then tries to stand up and run over to the front of the truck where Sam is holding on for dear life and begins pounding him. There is nothing Sam can do but take it, for if he moves he will surely end up with pee soaked hands and knees like Grant. So he takes it like a man, with Grant pounding him with one hand while wiping off the other hand on Sam’s shirt. This little show continues as finally Jeremy seeing a cop come down the street comes to a complete stop and yells, “Everyone get down it’s the cops.”

Now by the time this whole thing played out Jeremy’s floor of his truck was covered with pee. And now Jeremy is telling us to lie down it in! I think not. But we get down as low as we can as Jeremy drives past the cop. We get back to my house and I force everyone to leave their shoes outside. It wasn’t until the next morning did Jeremy realized the present Sam left in his truck.

My Memories,
Kalgon