G is for Girls (Need I say more...)

The best thing us guys did as a group was to include girls, it was also one of the stupidest things we did. Don’t get me wrong we had some really great times and I still have some close friends that are girls to this day. But with all the benefits and great times us guys had with the girls there was also a lot of confusing times. We can’t really blame the girls, because in truth they never really did anything wrong except they were who they are, girls.

Nothing can bring more pain and joy at the same time to a guy than a girl. But instead of focusing on confusing times in this blog I will be telling the story of the first night us guys hung out with the girls.

In fact there wasn’t much of a friend’s group until there were girls. It started out with the original four (me, Sam, Ryan, Justin) but after a while (actually just a couple of weeks) we began inviting some girls to hang out with us. Now keep in mind that we were all middle school age with me being the oldest in seventh grade. It wasn’t as if we wanted a dating relationship with those girls, I mean dating consisted of sitting next to each other and laughing in middle school.

My most embarrassing moment happened on one the first night we hung out with the girls in middle school We were at Micah’s (a girl’s name in case you were wondering) house and we played hide and seek until it got dark. All the guys would hide while the girls would try to find us. For some strange reason we all would hide in the same place and the girls would try to look for us all together, no one split up and I still don’t know why. After a couple of hours of that, we went inside.

Now for some strange reason boys always get what I call “girl-intoxicated” when girls around. We begin to act like complete morons, but in our minds we think we’re the coolest! There have been countless times through all of history when a boy would do something completely stupid to impress a girl. I have no idea why we continue to thing acting stupid works? Being brave by being shot in the chest with no armor with a paint ball gun doesn’t seem to impress most girls, I guess it’s just one of those natural phenomenon. However the funny thing I learned is that the girl never really gets impressed with what the boy did, but I think she just enjoys the attention that the boy gives her.

Getting back to the story, over the course of the night I became ‘girl-intoxicated’. I was flat out gone for a particular girl at the time and all logic went out the window. Looking back on it, I can not remember points where I should have done something else, but like I said, there was no logic to be found. It started with Sam, who was also intoxicated, being challenged by Carrie (a rather strong individual for being a female) to an arm wrestling match. Now most guys will tell you that unless you are 100% sure you can beat a female at any sports activities you don’t even try. In a guy’s eye there is nothing worse in this world for a guy to loose to a girl. Girls just don’t get it, and probably never will. But every guy reading this they understand that there are some challenges you just don’t except. With Sam being challenged by Carrie that was one of those times.

But with logic gone, and emotions running wild the match began with a smile on Sam’s face. You see this gave him the chance to have physical contact with a female with no hassles, although Sam did not really want to ‘go-out’ with Carrie, she was still a female. However Sam did want to impress this other girl at the party, and like most guys in his position he thought, “If I can beat Carrie at an arm wrestling match, that will impress her.” When you’re intoxicated you only see the positive never the negative. As the match progresses Sam begins to realize that it was a lot harder than he thought, then he realized he might actually loose this battle of the sexes and he had to think of something fast, but what? Luckily some of us guys could see he was in trouble so we started tickling him in the side making Carrie pin his arm to the table. She jumps up screaming “I WIN!” Sam starts to say, “Doesn’t count they cheated!” Pointing to us guys. (However I know Sam was thankful of what had happened). Carrie still won the match and Sam still kept his pride. Just a side note, Sam wasn’t a weak guy he probably could beat every one of us guys in an arm wrestling match, it was just that Carrie was the strongest girl we had seen at the time.

After the match we got on the subject of playing truth or dare. Now for some reason no matter where you are in the country, no matter how many guys and girls are involved, the game truth or dare always comes up. I noticed a trend growing up whenever we got a chance that game would come up and more times than note it brought trouble with it. I also realized that most girls would always pick truth to answer, and guys almost always would pick dare (if girls were present). Everyone knows the smartest option to pick is always truth; you can still save your dignity if you pick truth. Dare is a no win situation. But like I said guys make stupid decisions when they want to be noticed by girls. So as the game progress with five girls and four boys the question came to me, “Truth or Dare?”

As I ponder what to pick I look over to this girl I am intoxicated with, she smiles at me and a moment of weakness happens, and the word “dare” slips out of my mouth. I was quickly thrown back into reality when everyone started laughing, and began saying, “Ahhhh, your in trouble now.” But it was too late, the answer was set, I was the unfortunate guy to be picked first, I couldn’t back out now, because I was forced to set the tone for the rest of the so called ‘men.’ The girls all giggled to each other and then Micah says, “I dare you to wear my mother’s dress!” Writing about it now it doesn’t seem so bad from the other dares I have done, but remember this was in middle school, and it was the first time these girls hung out with us guys. I had to agree to the terms because I was in no position of arguing with the girl I desperately trying to impress sitting across from me. So in the most confident voice I could find I said, “No problem.”

Micah got out this black and white dress of her mothers, and I put it on over my clothes. It was the worse possible dress to wear because of how revealing it was up top, how tight it was around the hips, and how long the dress was. So there I was with my Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles t-shirt showing between to shoulder straps with the front of the bust of the dress hanging down almost to my waist, and the rest of the dress hitting the floor. If it wasn’t for my t-shirt I looked like I was completely wearing the dress because the dress covered my entire pants and shoes. I guess Micah’s mother was a very tall woman.

I can’t remember what was going on in my head at the time, but what I do remember is hearing the worst sentence that was ever spoken to me, “You look so cute in that, let’s go show my parents!” “Yeah, ok, sure why don’t we take a couple of pictures to pass out, oh and I can also wear this too school!” I thought. And then to my horror Autumn just so happened to bring her camera with her. Why is it whenever you see something happen that is really funny you never have a camera, but the moment you don’t want anyone to know a camera is there? After the picture was taken of me with a completely false smile trying to act cool. But looking back on it, how cool could I really have been wearing a dress?

Anyways Micah brought me down stairs to show her parents, I felt like a lost puppy that someone picks up and asks their parents, “Can I keep him?” At first Micah’s parents didn’t really know what to do, so they gave that nervous kind of laugh that people do when that have no clue on what is going on. All the girls laughed and told Micah’s parents we were playing a game, I guess after Micah’s parents realized the game didn’t involve drugs or alcohol they were fine with it.

So as soon as Micah said, “Ok”. I threw off the dress did a couple of chest pumps with my fists (to show no dress had effected my manliness) and I went back up stares. To this day I do not know where that picture is, I have never seen it but I am sure that it will someday appear, the moment I do not want it to. But hey I can always use the excuse that I was intoxicated that night.

So remember girls that the next time a guy is acting completely stupid in front of you, don’t crush his dreams by ignoring him. Give a little laugh and then go on your way if you are not interested. That will let us guys keep whatever little dignity we have let…

“Falling in love consists merely in uncorking the imagination and bottling the common sense.” --Helen Rowland

Love is more unexplainable than death. It fascinates me, as I am sure most people, to no end. What is it that makes two people begin to like each other and then that turns into love? I will be the first one to admit that I have no idea why or how women work. All I do know is that women can be at the same time both priceless gold and kryptonite to men. The above quote is true when it says all common sense goes out the window. I have been a witness to countless relationships that make no sense. The group was built on those relationships. Everyone was hooking up with each other, merely because… they could. The funny thing was that almost everyone outside the relationship thought it would never last; yet the two people in the relationship thought it would last forever.

Looking back on all those relationships none of them resulted in marriage yet; most of them have broken off and are now married or engaged to someone else. There is one couple however that are still dating, but their story is a little different so they are the one exception. But oh, how naive we were, thinking about how “this girl or boy could be the one.” I guess common sense only comes with maturity. I am however extremely glad it didn’t work for those couples in high school, including myself, we are all better off with the different paths we chose.

The one quote that makes me thinks more than any other quote about love and relationships is the one below. I will not try to explain it or tell you what I think of it, I will leave that up to you. But just remember, without the mystery of what love is, there would be no excitement or passion between two people.

“To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little.To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.”
--Anonymous

I know this blog was a little different, maybe even more serious than my other ones. But relationships are roller coasters, one minute we can be floating in heaven, the next we are tumbling to the ground with no sign of stopping. One thing for sure is out of all the most embarrassing moments in my life, they all in some way have to deal with women. But hey, I don’t think I wouldn’t have it any other way…

My Memories,
Kalgon